zka

I forgot to mention, we saw a motorcyclist get hit by a car, about three months ago. We were bicycling on Amsterdamsweg, where Amsterdam ends and Amstelveen begins, and a large suburban vehicle clipped a motorcyclist. He flew over the handlebars, and landed in the street.

I called the emergency number (112), while husband and other folks blocked cars, and tended to the bleeding accident victim. The emergency operator spoke pretty good English (thank goodness) but I still spoke the house number in my shaky Dutch. I think it was 527:

"Vijf honderd zevenentwintig."

In English, we recite numerals from most- to least-significant: "Five hundred twenty-seven". But not here! The correct order has a more literal translation like: "Five hundred seven and twenty".

When the operator asked about the man's condition, I passed the phone to a fluent Dutch speaker, who had been talking to the victim.

When you call emergency services, you have to tell them what type of vehicle you need. Since the victim was conscious, the ambulence I requested arrived slowly, without flashing its lights. :(

Afterwards, everyone dispersed. The guy I passed the phone to said something encouraging, with a smile, but I couldn't understand it. Then he mounted his own bike, and he was off. The whole thing ended about as quickly as it began.

Before that day, I was puzzled how everyone safely shares the road: cars, motorcycles, scooters, bikes, e-Bikes, "fat bikes" (low-rider e-Bikes with huge tires, usually with a jackass teenager in the seat). The answer is, they don't! Accidents happen all the time.

[[ Insert picture of a paper certificate, which proves I speak Dutch at the A1 level! ]] Oh, cool! Wow. Very wow.

My mastery of the language is intermittent at best. Yesterday I wished Happy Holidays to the mailman, then a few hours later I couldn't regurgitate the same phrase for a salesman at a store; I just fully seized up and blanked. Today I tried saying it to the drycleaner, and he corrected my pronunciation, and I smiled and imagined how nice it would be to disintegrate and pass through the floor, never to be seen again :)

"Fijne feestdagen". The last n is silent.

The accelerated Dutch language class was too fast. We crammed past-tense into the last day, so theoretically I can talk about what I ate for dinner: Ik heb voor avondeten naar thuis bloemkoel gegeten. That's the clunky syntax, there's a shorter version but I haven't learned it yet.

Anyway ... I've been equating my self-worth to my ability to speak the language, and that's psychotic, I should really stop doing that. My husband posed a good question: if I'm generally misable here, why do I care so much about learning the language?? My answer is that I'm not completely misable; being an adult means you can hold contradicting emotions in the same moment. So our existence here can be charmed and beautiful, and yet simultaneously irritating and soul-crushing. All the time. Constantly.

First appointment with the Physiotherapist was on Friday. I like her, and I look forward to doing more work with her. She asked me to research chronic stress on my own, and reminded me that scheduling chats with potential clients might not be the best tactic yet, because: people can sense when your enthusiasm isn't genuine.

Also on Friday, we had a date night! We rode our bicycles to Bar Dixie, ate decent food, then rode around in the dark for a while. This was beautiful, and it felt safe because all the roads and bike routes are well-illuminated, we had no issues seeing the road. Honestly it felt much safer than driving at night, squinting my ancient eyeballs at oncoming headlights. Bicycling at night: A+++, will do again.

Saturday was a long ride to Amsterdam. I picked up medication at my pharmacy, then we randomly had lunch at a place called Oma Ietje. This was a great experience. I forgive them for serving the burger on crusty bread; I'm craving more burgers like this now. The fries were incredible, hot and crispy. Their vegan mayo is better than any dairy version.

We didn't realize, Oma Ietje is located in a part of town with mostly government-subsidized housing (in America, this would be called "the projects") but it felt completely safe. The presence of Oma Ietje might indicate that the neighborhood is gentrifying, hmmm.

Sunday was light rest and recovery.

Monday was the final language class, and a 5-mile ride in the afternoon, just for funzies.

Yesterday was a long ride to Alsmeer, to revisit Gideon Italiaander. It took some digging, but I found a tube of buttons for the coat I'm making. Also I found a boring shirt made of excellent fabric, which will be upcycled into a hat soon-ish. We bought other random stuff, paid a mere €7.50 for everything, and I couldn't remember the words "Fijne feestdagen".

Today is heavy rest and recovery. I overdid it, I are bad mood now.

Our first big Dutch language test was yesterday! I suspect I did reasonably well, and that my husband bombed the test. :( Tomorrow we find out.

I've been meditating every day, consistently. I've had to accept that I basically have to do this, else my brain gnashes on malevolent and bizarre thoughts, effectively self-sabotaging my mood and life. It's mildly embarrassing to admit that I have a crutch like this, it feels like confessing something shameful or taboo. Oh well, this is how I'm wired, I have to act like an adult and accept that this strange ritual is a requirement, if I want to feel baseline "okay".

Still feeling trapped at home, in the Dutch suburbs. We don't have doggy boarding set up for Brandy dog, so we spend the bulk of our time inside this house. We want to see more of Amsterdam, and visit other countries, aaaghhh we're so close and yet it feels so far away.

I'm still sewing. My boiled wool coat is coming along nicely. (More on this in a minute.)

Here is something that drives me crazy about the Netherlands, and I hope I can express this in a way that won't anger future readers:

People here seem to be very judgmental, and overly-aware of each other. I think there's enormous pressure to blend in, and not do (or say, or wear) anything colorful or fantastical:

• No one wears color, patterns, or prints. There are no bright hues, no plaids, no stripes, not even graphic T-shirts; none of it. If I wear my yellow Gore-Tex shoes, someone will always stare like I'm indulging in unspeakable sin.


• My husband is heavily tattooed, on the back of his head and neck. Without fail, he receives a lot of mystified, critical stares when he's out in public. This is a very different experience compared to living in (say) left-leaning anything-goes Portland.

The Netherlands was a deeply Calvinistic society in the 17th century, and I suspect that people's behaviors still echo these ideals. Like the burden of generational trauma.

On the one hand, this sounds like a fair deal: go to work, blend in, help others, and you will be rewarded with a pretty good life. It's egalitarian. On the other hand, this is the worst curse if you want to be different, or express yourself in ways people haven't seen before, or focus on yourself without worrying about what everyone else is thinking.

I believe it's not merely an issue within the conservative suburbs. We watched Amsterdam's Sinterklaas celebration on TV, and the overwhelming majority of citizens were dressed similarly, just solid black all-weather jackets, with a few shades of dark grey or steel blue in the mix.

Husband just reminded me that this is "normcore", which is "everywhere" right now, because it's the current fashion. I think it's an extreme form of social cooling; everyone is afraid the cameras will suddenly point at them.

I'm trying to stay positive (meditation helps a lot), and not ruminate on this subject too deeply, because it's a doom spiral which leads nowhere. I'm glad folks here created a prosperous, polite society. But I suspect that, like any suburb or restrictive system, anyone who doesn't want to conform will find a way to move elsewhere.

I've been unconsciously removing colorful clothes from my wardrobe, and this realization pushed me to rant about this. My boiled wool coat is a vivid shade of petrol blue, which is a fantastic color well-known in Europe, but never worn in the Netherlands, as far as I can tell. Will I appear as crazy as someone wearing yellow shoes? Dunno.

First day of Dutch language class! ... Aauguhlugulhguh. I have returned to SKOOL, at my age. I swore I would never go back.

The teacher is great! The classmates are nice, we're all overwhelmed and confused, so at least we'll be trauma-bonded after this experience. I was happy when the teacher put me on the spot, and I figured out this missing word: "Sonja, kun jij je achternaam spellen?" It seemed incorrect, jij adjacent to je, but it's not so strange; that's you and your in the English translation: "Sonja, can you spell your last name?"

Class is fast! Class is "accelerated"! 20 sessions × 2.5 hours. At the end, we'll take tests, and graduate from language competency level A0 to A1. I believe the minimum level for citizenship is B2? That's at least 2 years away.

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In other news, it looks like the Netherlands and Canada are accepting US citizens as refugees. That's: Refugees. If you have minority status (ethnicity, sexuality, etc) then paths for seeking asylum are officially open to you. This is a "soft launch" in preparation for opening their gates to all US citizens, not just persecuted minorities. Other nations are expected to follow suit.

Correction: The issues listed above are not law, yet.

Tonight I'm fuming over how expensive the Netherlands is. Amsterdam is the second most expensive city in the world? Oops. My savings are vanishing faster than anticipated. I didn't correctly budget for food, and of course we like to eat, we're voracious money pits of insatiable hunger. Should we have devoted more time to the "researching countries" phase? I hear Portugal is a top destination for expat's, and it must be less expensive than here, right?...

...But OH MAN the food. We're cracking the code on Netherlands cuisine. Some recent favorites:

• Food trucks full of roasted chickens, like Kip Van Het Vuur and Hancon Grillerij. This is a Dutch tradition?! Ja.


• Saigon Caphe, possibly the best Vietnamese food I've ever enjoyed. Incredibly tasty.


• Breakfast pastries filled with almond paste, dates, apricot, or diced 'n spiced apples. See also: speculaas


• Passionfruit yogurt.


• Chocolate-hazelnut vla. PREPARE TO EXPAND THY WAISTLINE

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Also, we have a car! We searched Marktplaats (it's kinda Dutch Craigslist-meets-eBay) and found car dealers, test drove cars, and I now own a Peugeot 3008. ~3 months remain to get our drivers' licenses. Urk

Most grueling bike ride (so far): through the driving wind, into southeast Amsterdam, for my intake appointment at a health clinic. We were sore that evening, but WE DID IT woooooooo look at us. We pedalled so hard, that we exceeded the e-Bikes' speed limit (30 km/h), and they stopped providing battery assistance.

I'm exhausted often, probably due to the imbalance between my caloric intake, physical exertion, and overall stress and confusion. "If I eat more food-truck chicken," he thought, "then maybe this problem will solve itself?" Dreamily, he nodded, and smiled to himself. "Definitely. Mmmm, chicken."

This question comes from garote: Why did we choose the Netherlands? How does one choose a destination, anyway?

Our answer is a long, rambling story. The vital bit isn't the destination itself, but rather the process of exploring what's possible, especially with constraints (time, age, abilities, giant dog). Keep in mind that we've felt a sense of urgency since the election, like we could become trapped unless we hurry. I wanted to leave quickly, but I also didn't want to "settle", or wait for the choice to be made for us. We discussed a dozen destinations; if Plan A didn't work out, then we'd fall back on Plan B, etc.

I admit that the Netherlands wasn't our initial choice. Our first impulse was to move to Canada.

Not Canada

Shortly after January's inaugeration, Canada seemed like the obvious choice, because it was logistically easy. "We can just drive there." We have a large, ill-tempered dog, and the ability to drive her to our destination was a huge advantage, compared to the expense and stress of shipping her via airplane. English is spoken there. My husband had prior experience living in the French-speaking parts, and he raved about it.

My primary care doctor also had a hot tip: Canada has fast(er) tracks to citizenship, for skilled professionals. In my line of work (software engineering) this is the "Federal Skilled Worker Program".

Also, unlike the USA, Canada doesn't consider visitors performing remote work for a foreign employer to be "work" that requires a work permit.

One downside of this program is that it's a lottery: you submit your application, and hope they draw your name to participate in the program. Another drawback is that you need to score enough points on a qualifying test. Briefly, there are 6 categories (but I haven't included all the point values):

• Language test: 24 points.


• Education.


• Career (occupation, and years of experience).


• Age (younger is better): max 12 points.


• Working in Canada: do you have employment guaranteed before you arrive?


• "Adaptability": extra points if your partner passes the language test, or if your partner worked in Canada previously with a valid work permit, etc. Max 10 points.

^^ Language: You can take the Canadian Language Benchmark (CLB) test at selected sites in the United States, and prepare by watching practice tests on YouTube. As a native American English speaker, I found the test to be surprisingly challenging. It includes tasks like: study a complex photograph for 15 seconds, then speak a fluent description of everything in the photograph, including breakdowns of what the people seem to be doing, and environmental cues. You have 45 seconds.

^^ Age: The max score is 12 points. Beyond age 47, you receive zero points. I guess that's the age when folks become a drain on the medical establishment? :(

As of 2025, the minimum qualifying score was 67 points. I could potentially qualify, just barely, if I snagged all 10 points for Adaptability. :( :( It seemed like a long shot.

Canada would have been easier, and more attractive, if I had a job lined up; a guarantee of employment. This is probably much easier than do-it-yourself immigration: Let your new employer handle the paperwork. Note that I did not have this opportunity, and by the time I started applying to jobs, I realized the tech job market was in dismal shape, compared to 2020. If other Americans are suddenly applying for positions, then you're competing against all of them; they're potentially younger (than me), and more attractive to prospective employers.

Also, Canada isn't immune to economic strife. There's an ongoing discussion about Canadians living in poverty; Vancouver has become unaffordable to many Canadians. Nowhere is perfect, but we started having second thoughts.

Not the U.K.

For the "big move", I wanted to aim high, and find somewhere prosperous and relatively stable, where we could enjoy life and thrive. One of my husband's top priorities was finding somewhere amicable to the LGBTQ community. I wanted to travel and explore (since I've hardly gone anywhere in 10 years). The most attractive destinations seemed to be Europe and the UK.

From January through April, I tried arranging an "international transfer" at my job (a large tech company, with offices around the globe). Also I applied for new positions at the international offices, and interviewed with a team in London.

I'm unable to share the reasons these maneuvers didn't work out, but the point is: they weren't interested in assisting with my international move. In the eyes of upper management, there was no business justification for it. If I had been chosen to (say) lead a fledgling team in Munich, then obviously they would have green-lit a move to Germany. Sadly, I was on my own.

The Netherlands

Even before we dreamt of Canada, I rediscovered this excellent talk about 'Residency Hacking' at Toorcamp 2024. May I recommend watching this video, and taking notes? (It's an hour long, so some level of focus and attention is required. Remember college lectures? Remember the days before smart phones, when you had a longer attention span than a goldfish??)

The speaker (T-Prophet) presents many paths to citizenship in other countries, and some tactics for living remotely longer than a few months. For example, there are nations that let you flat-out buy citizenship! Seriously, watch the video. Opportunities are everywhere, and they're constantly in flux; I wouldn't be surprised if other countries provided special immigration paths for Americans soon. (... :( ...)

T-Prophet describes one interesting possibility: The Netherlands and the USA made a pact in the 1950's, called the Dutch-American Friendship Treaty ("DAFT"). After World War II, the Dutch people wanted to rebuild and strengthen their economy. This is a stereotype, and probably not why the pact was created, but: Since Americans are good businessmen, why not import them as entrepreneurs??! It sounds insane by today's standards, but as T-Prophet points out, once a government institution like DAFT is established, it tends to stick around forever. This sounded like a promising lead.

In January, I reconnected with former clients, and inquired if they were still hiring contractors (i.e. me); some were interested! Before my 5-year gig at the big tech company, I was self-employed for 12 years. I don't consider myself a "good" businessman, but I survived, and I imagine I can do it again.

My husband lived in Amsterdam in his 20's, and loved the experience. So we felt excited about this possibility.

We contacted 3 immigration attorneys in the Netherlands, and scheduled virtual consultations (due to the time zone difference, these were always early in the morning; late afternoons for them). They were booked weeks in advance (again, what is happening to America? Are people trying to leave in droves, or something??) so we had to wait a bit. But we liked the first attorney, so we agreed to engage with her, and cancelled the other meetings.

I am not a lawyer, so the following information should not be regarded as legal advice. You'll want to hire an attorney to clarify these points, and ensure you're fulfilling all the requirements of DAFT, for yourself. But this is a general overview of how it's worked, so far:

• Secure a residence address, in the Netherlands. We used a property hunter, who specifically works with expat's. After signing the lease (virtually), we flew to the Netherlands and picked up the keys to our rental. (If you have cool Dutch friends, maybe they'll let you use their address, to receive mail etc; this is valid too. Temporary residences like AirBnB's are not allowed, apparently they do check this.)


• Open a Dutch bank account. There's a virtual bank (Bunq) which doesn't require Dutch ID, for the first 90 days!


• Dutch ID: Our attorney set up critical appointments for getting the Residence Endorsement Sticker, Biometrics, and Town Hall Registration. (Our first appointment was today.)


• When I have a Dutch ID number, I can create a business entity in the Netherlands. This will likely be a B.V. (similar to an American LLC). This comes with some perks: you can exchange your American driver's licence for a Dutch one, without taking the driver's test. There are some tax advantages. Etc. The financial requirements may be stricter, I have a consultation with a tax professional tomorrow; if the B.V. isn't possible, then the other option is a sole proprietorship (aka "eenmanszak").


• DAFT requires a business bank account to exist, with a minimum balance at all times (4,500 euros). This will be audited annually. Never touch this money.


• DAFT also requires you to have 2 (or more) clients annually. If you only have 1 client, then you're effectively an employee of that client; you can be kicked out of the DAFT program, and you'll need to shift to a different track to citizenship. If a company loves you, and wants to hire you, they can sponsor you for an employment visa.


• You must live in the Netherlands for 183 days per year (half the year).


• Your partner will receive a regular Dutch working visa, and can apply for jobs.


• You become a permanent resident after 5 years if you learn the Dutch language. Don't ask me how they test for this; I'm nowhere near ready!

Don't "Settle"

Initial impressions of the Netherlands: I appreciate how the Dutch people are direct, without overusing formalities. I love all the bicycling. Groceries are delicious, and taste healthier than the USA. It is expensive, and the housing market is competitive. The Dutch people love their dogs (but will they love our 65-pound barking poodle?? To be determined.)

From a purely selfish angle, I've fantasized about living abroad (especially in Europe) since my 20's, yet I never tried to make this a reality. I'm excited to finally close this mental loop, and thrilled that we're adjacent to friggin' Amsterdam, in Europe of all places. This is the riskiest endeavor of my life, and we're experiencing culture shock on an hourly basis, in an expensive part of the world. I'm still optimistic about our future here.

Since January, we've felt the need to hurry up and leave the USA, so that's why we investigated so many possible destinations. I'm glad we found a place to love, and in the long-run I think I'll appreciate not moving somewhere just to work a new desk job, with a high level of stress and frustration.

This is our sixth day, and this afternoon we were granted permanent resident visas for 2 years. This is big news!! The immigration official said that we were approved so rapidly because we used an immigration attorney.

What other topics should I rant about ?? Lemme know. Big list of ideas:

• Plans for the next year, and beyond.


• Shipping a live animal overseas.


• Saying goodbye to your precious belongings, and illusions of security.


• What you actually need to bring: medical records, etc.


• My embarrassing attempts at learning the Dutch language, and assimilating to their way of life.